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Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Like The London Bridge

"..I came across a fallen tree,
I felt the branches of it looking at me,
is this the place we used to love?
is this the place that I've been dreaming of?.."

Dear lonely isle,

It doesn't pay to put your hopes high. I have learnt that.
It also doesn't pay to think that all will be better tomorrow, or the day after. Because some things just don't get better. They get worse.
Just when you thought I couldn't get any worse, and that the turning point would be right about now, you get surprised instead.
I have learnt that people will disappoint you, eventually. And at some point, you just don't know whether to care or not anymore. After the tears are gone, and all the tissue thrown away, it's just as if it never happened. And try as you might to erase the fact of its existence, there's just some scars you can't wipe away, even with a magic wand.
I could just turn a blind eye, and be oblivious to the obvious.
But like a huge pink elephant your mind tries to believe does not exist even when it sits peeling bananas in front of you, there's just some things you can't ignore.
Sometimes I just get so tired. And I wish that some people would just grow some brains, or at least, cultivate some common sense. But some agricultural dreams are way beyond reach.
I try to believe the best in people, and that given enough time, would see the error of their ways. Or perhaps change for the better.
But people will disappoint you, eventually.
And like a kid who's been given wings, I suddenly find myself crashing head first into the upcoming ground.
Why give the semblance of hope, when you don't mean it?
Why raise me up, only to let me fall?
Maybe this time I'll hit rockbottom. And maybe I'll hit my head so hard, I'll wake not able to care anymore. And maybe, just maybe, I'll damage some nerves, and won't be able to feel the pain. Anymore.
But it's just a string of maybes, and the certainty that life, like people, will disappoint you too. Eventually.
Even if you put your faith in a hamster, you will find that one day, it will bite you. And it will hurt. No matter what you tell yourself. And after the Dettol, the bandages and the tears, it's as if it never happened.

But you know better. Because you see the scars.

love, joyce.

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